Archive for the ‘Emotional Healing’ Category
No, I’m not married. But I listen to a whole lot of Dr. Jenn Berman on Cosmo Radio, so in my head I am pretty much a licensed psychotherapist. Counts, right?
I see posts with the theme “Before saying ‘I do'” a lot in financial and child-rearing realms, but what about with our health? With the growing health problems, processed food intake, and sedentary lifestyles, our pre-marital discussions may need to branch into exercise and nutrition visions for our relationships. 
American media tends to show us as packing on the pounds after marriage, but we can change that status quo. It’s not just a sitcom stereotype, it’s a dangerous cycle to begin after tying the knot. Popping the question shouldn’t mean popping cookies into your mouth. Once you’ve caught the big fish, it doesn’t mean you need to stuff yourself- and the fish. “Fat and happy” needs to be replaced with “fit and happy.”And once I’ve written one too many cliche’s, I should probably not write another.
As spring crawls slowly in among this 30-something degree weather, wedding bells will chime, chilly, but as planned. Before making the commitment, it may serve you well to discuss plainly how you will handle your future health as husband and wife:
1. When can we start? In “for better or for worse,” a healthy lifestyle maximizes the better. Discussing food and activity with your partner affects the amount of years you spend together and the quality of those years. The earlier you start, the earlier you will turn your lifestyle choices into habits that keep you together longer. If you are planners, plan to have a conversation and enhance your life together as soon as you can.
2. Where do we see ourselves? You may have an ideal image of yourself, but what about as a couple? Make visions for yourself as a couple to maintain a healthy weight and muscle mass. Visualize yourself in 5, 10, 25 years, making healthy snacks for yourself and your children, packing nutrient-filled lunches, bike riding as a family, and playing with your grandchildren with great health.
3. What do we like? Define your preferences : He may be into football, while you are a yogi. You’re a vegan, she’s a steak lover. With a plethora of healthy activities, you and your partner can find common ground. Try brainstorming activities you both find fun: cook together, go jogging or walking, or invite new activities like hiking or skiing. If you prefer to be healthy separately- so be it. Get creative, make it fun. Some couples work better with a little competitive tension. If you are competitive, race eachother. Make bets. Start a competition: set aside two jars. Put money in your jar for every workout you do, and money in your partner’s jar for every time you slip up with junk food. (There are other ways to spice up bets and competitions, but we’ll keep it P.G. here).
4. Set goals: How can we make it attainable and sustainable? Choose goals that are just out of reach enough that they offer a challenge, but not so far that they are unrealistic. If you know you don’t go to the gym even when you pay $50/month, then pick at-home exercises to do every day (see last week’s article for ideas). Make them specific and sustainable by choosing specific exercises and amounts: we will walk 2 times a week; do 15 pushups together 4 mornings a week, go for a bike ride 3 weekends a month. If you start with a small challenge and stick with it, you can adhere to the program and build on it.
5. How can we support each other? Talk about how you will hold eachother accountable. Make a promise to each other to take joint responsibility. If your partner joins a recreational league, go to the games. If one of you is struggling with overeating or snacking mindlessly, ask for gentle reminders or that your partner try to distract you through talking or entertainment. Share articles with eachother, pick healthy recipes. At the very least, make sure you are not sabotaging your partners efforts, i.e. through negative comments or keeping snacks in the house. Understand that your partners success is your success.
6. Tie it to your budget. Every cautionary advice article will tell you that money is the #1 cause of marital stress in most surveyed married couples. Realizing that your choices have a direct impact on your health will free up a large portion of your budget. Go over your prescription costs (real, or base them on your parents’). Chances are, some family issues are preventable. Unhealthy lifestyles lead to sickness. Sickness leads to doctor bills, prescription costs, hospital bills, and even larger grocery bills (in the case of overeating). Clean eating reduces disease, and exercise and flexibility training strengthen bones, reducing osteopenia. Eating out is also a huge source of calories and a big chunk out of your wallet. Check your budget for ways you can save money AND get healthier, like cutting out sodas, packing lunches for work, and choosing vegetable based meals. Eating nutritious foods is not more expensive. (Visit any Trader Joe’s and you’ll agree).
6. Commit! Just as you have chosen to commit to each other, decide to commit to a long, healthy, and happy life. Stick to your habits as a couple, and they will become easier for you as you create new activities and family traditions geared toward clean eating and fitness.
Congratulations, and here’s a virtual toast to your long and healthy marriage!
I may be a bit of a nerd, but I am fascinated with the brain and the way neurotransmitters (NTs for short) effect -and are affected!- by our behavior. The idea that we can change our brain chemical layout is pretty amazing.
The article below talks about what serotonin, dopamine, and other NT’s do during eating disorders, but also about what we can do to re-route them into better behavior. What’s even cooler is that by changing these behaviors, we can actually alter the levels of the NTs in our brain.
Read it here:
http://www.eatingdisorder-institute.com/?tag=neurotransmitters
Make it Part of Your Identity
Posted on: October 10, 2012
Recently, I officially bought my package to study and take the Personal Trainer Certification Exam.. I have 180 days to complete the exam.
I’m pumped! I chose NASM (National Academy of Sports Medicine)- I read it is widely accepted, pays well in most gyms, and has strong ties to science.
With that said, today’s advice is, when you are trying to achieve something:
Make it part of your Identity
You undoubtedly associate yourself with variety of things. Especially in our teenage years, we struggle to find out what type of people we are. We use our surroundings- friends, family, what we do, how we act, what people think of us- to try and come up with a conclusive self. In adulthood, we learn to look within, but sometimes we do not shed the beliefs that we snagged up along the way. They may have served their purpose and are now old news to our wiser selves. We have quite literally outgrown our younger beliefs and need to reexamine them in order to grow further.
At the very peak, you can associate with your body and say “I am a fat person” or “I am a skinny person.” Then you can associate with your wants/desires: we have “I am a chocolate lover,” “I am addicted to ___,” “I love fast food.” Then, as teens do, you can view your actions and identify with them: “I always eat dessert after dinner,” “I eat in my car.” It definitely helps to explore these beliefs and become aware of our pitfalls. However- there is a better way. Fortunately, we can fast track our success and counter our negative beliefs by a simpler route.
Pick New Beliefs:
Act first, and the true belief will come.
A lot of traditional couch therapy focuses on delving into old beliefs in order to shed them. However, if you have nothing to replace them with- you are left with awareness but no way to apply it. Instead, what if we deliberately begin to add in new beliefs about ourselves to our current belief systems?
1. Stop focusing on what you think you can’t change
2. Choose what you WANT to believe about yourself.
3. Act accordingly.
If you decide you want to be a healthy eater, you have to believe that about yourself. You have to retrain your consciousness to believe health is part of your identity.
You can use the following statements to reinvent yourself:
“I am,” I love,” “I like,” and “I act”
“I am a healthy eater, I like choosing healthy foods, I love the feeling of eating clean, and I choose these foods every day.”
The choice to add self-serving beliefs into your routine will force out beliefs that need to be shed. Choose wisely and consciously.
Supplemental Information and Reading:
http://www.nasm.org (National Academy of Sports Medicine)
Mindset – C. Dweck
Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul – Deepak Chopra
The Body Fat Solution – Tom Venuto
The Dilemma:
After a 5am gym appointment, why on earth did I come to work and want a cookie? (Or 2?)
It might have to do with the fact that
1. It was THERE
2. I was tired. My previous conditioning was that when I felt tired, I would react by eating. Especially carbohydrates… simple carbohydrates. Aka the ‘s’ word.
3. It’s sugar.. sweet, tempting, and so willing to jump right in and wreak havoc on your insides.
The Analysis:
So here’s my thought process when trying to recondition myself and stop an undesirable behavior.
1. Do I really want this? (Am I being present?) This is the hardest thing to determine. There are a wide variety of factors that cause you to reach for food to ingest that is detrimental to your body.
2. Is this part of my cycles? Be sure to track your physical and emotional cycles. These cycles include emotions, stressed, tired, or overwhelmed; transitions; disruptions in daily rhythms and routines; hormonal (i.e. time of month). Knowing your cycles and finding cues to remind yourself in moments of weakness is key; it is the first step in mastering your behavior.
3. What part of me wants this- my body, my mind, or my spirit?
A. BODY: Truly hungry- experiencing hunger pains, fatigue/sense of passing out, lack of energy due to low fuel source
B. MIND: Mental dialogue is saying you “SHOULD” eat. Maybe after a workout, or you “haven’t had enough” today. This type of urge is spurred by outside influences- like an article you read or something you heard. You hear your inner chatter giving you reasons and excuses.
C.SPIRIT: Something is missing, and you’re trying to fill a void. What you really want may be peace. Maybe you have something else you want to accomplish.
D. EGO: Deep down there is a part of you that wants to stay stuck in your same cycle of habits. That part of you wants to stay conditioned because it’s easy- it’s not fulfilling, or joyful, but it’s easy and it doesn’t take a lot of discipline, self-awareness, or critical thought. This part of you justifies that you “deserve” it, but doesn’t take into account your goals for becoming your highest self.
4. How will I feel after? Will I feel pleasure, more energetic, guilty, out of control? A typical cycle may be: pleasure at first, then a sense of being out of control, then guilty, then later experiencing a sugar crash. You may convince yourself you can eat just one, but your body may get primed and want more junky “food.”
5. How will I feel if I take the opposite/higher action that is in line with my values and goals? Disciplined, clean, healthy, guilt-free, free from conditioning, one step closer to my goals.
6. More importantly! Assuming I am not actually physically hungry, and I don’t want to struggle with this anymore…
What can I do to make this better for myself the next time around? How can I replace this behavior with a better one that lines up with my goals– how can I recondition myself?
This is an opportunity to choose a new behavior. Many suggestions include choosing a better food– but we’re going to take it to the next level, push our discipline, and use this for growth. Challenge yourself to choose an action that has nothing to do with eating or nutrition. Instead, use this as an opportunity to make progress in another realm of your life. Meditation, Yoga, stretching, doing pushups, squats, lunges, pullups, reading, prayer, writing, studying, finishing tasks and tackling things you procrastinate on, playing a musical instrument, and catering to your relationships can all help channel your energy into something more productive. Any activity that you see in line with your highest self is a fruitful endeavors that will give you a sense of accomplishment, and help you to fade out the unwanted behavior.
Slowly but surely, by choosing new behaviors in your minor day-to-day struggles, you will makeover your lifestyle to align with your goals.
The Facts:
Just to pound it home, sugar is not the solution.
Current emotional constructs surrounding sugar are as follows: happy happy joy joy, smiling children, colorful foods.. the media has hyped up high-sugar content foods because they are CHEAP and they are ADDICTING.
Sodas, candy, and other packaged confections are a cocktail of chemicals and highly processed “food stuff.” White sugar adds calories, while non-calorie sweeteners make chemical changes in the brain resulting in desire for more sweet foods at the most innocent, and migraines and cancer at its most heinous. Just because they are in foods doesn’t mean they’re innocent: Aspartame was rejected multiple times before finally getting slight approval, and that’s only because the person trying to pass it got into the organization.
Nutritional life is much easier when you steer clear of sugary foods, and the habits and influences that had you eating them in the first place.
Suggested Readings:
Skinny Bitch – Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin
Food Rules – Michael Pollan
http://www.womens-wellbeing-and-mental-health.com/Premenstrual-Cravings.html
Loving Your Flaws
Posted on: September 20, 2012
The word “appreciate” doesn’t mean “like,” “agree with” or “enjoy,” necessarily. To appreciate means to recognize the value of something.
Fantastic Article:
Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Love-Your-Flaws/2#ixzz270gSa3dA
1. You’re going to do it anyway
Comparing ourselves to another person is natural. Human brains categorize everything; it’s how we make sense of life. The act of comparison is just one of the ways we organize our reality.
2. It is a great mirror
No matter what you see in another person, that quality is part of you. How would you recognize signs of anger, for example, if you hadn’t ever experienced it yourself? Your reactions to others are directly due to your projections onto them. They are a reflection of YOU. Of your values, of your highest goals, of your hidden desires, and of the parts of you you don’t want to acknowledge in yourself. Start looking at others in this light- as an extension of yourself, and it can change your entire existence.
3. It can force you to look within
Being around others is a great way to perform self-checks and tune into our inner dialogue. Checking your reactions to others can be your tool to catching yourself in negative self talk. If you are someone who tends to focus on the other person, remember: Sometimes, we may think we are judging the other person, when really we are judging ourselves. Try to watch your thought patterns, as well as engage yourself in the practice of extending love to those whom your attention is drawn.
4. Jealousy is admiration in disguise
There are two forms of social comparison: upward (comparing to a celebrity) and downward (“there’s always someone worse off than me”). Take a close look at someone you feel jealous toward. How do you react? You may feel discouraged and make excuses for yourself, or spiteful and try to put the other person down. However, if you get down to it- jealousy is admiration of another human being. If you look at the 5 people you are most jealous of, you will find aspects of your highest self. Somewhere inside you, you know you could embody those qualities. If you are jealous of an inspirational fitness model who does youtube videos, you know that you possess the potential to be that.
5. Seeing others’ efforts is motivating
Upward social comparison serves a great purpose. Once you’ve realized that you have the potential to embody the traits you admire, comparing yourself to others can be extremely motivating. Just think- someone else did it! Someone else reached YOUR goal. A normal human being pushed him or herself to the limits and got there.. when you recognize they’re at the finish line you want to be closer to, you start to push yourself harder.
5. It’s enlightening
Allowing yourself to compare to others and then becoming aware of it can make you more conscious of who you surround yourself with. “But I’m better than them!” can be a tricky way to make excuses and stay static. If you are healthy, but not at your goal weight, and you hang out with friends who are overweight and not concerned.. you may be better-than-average, but you know deep down you are not the-best-you-can-be. Paying attention to who you’re around will allow you to make lifestyle changes to be the best you of your whole world, not just the best of your small community.
6. It’s humbling
When used in the right context, “There are others who have it way worse than I do,” can be a tool for altruism and gratitude. Gratitude, across all faiths and all psychologies, is your fast-track to fulfillment.
7. It’s interesting
Differences make the world go round. Uniqueness is a universal trait. Comparing and recognizing another person’s differences makes you aware of just what fantastic variations of humans we all are. Embracing another’s differences is like looking at puzzle pieces and seeing how they fit into the synergy of life.
8. It gives you more to choose from
If everyone was stuck in the same old routine, how would anyone know that life could be different? If misery loves company, and no-one ever lived a happy, fulfilled life– how would we know that life is possible?
9. We are all one.
Recognize the way your lives connect and are affected by others. When it comes down to it, we are all part of one big whole.
Even the word “darkness” can invoke a twinge of unease that we may not be conscious of. Yet we all have what some writers have coined a “shadow self.” The great thing is, when you shed light on the aspects of yourself that bring you guilt, shame, embarassment, or anger, you have conquered them. Simply by awareness, you can bring yourself freedom.
Today’s practice:
Listen intently to things you don’t want to hear.
You may do this by:
Paying attention to ideas and concepts of yourself that you shy away from
Paying attention to things that offend or disgust you
Not shying away from things that disgust you
Writing a list of words you can’t stand and reading it
Listening to people you consider annoying, irritating
Acknowledging some of your bad habits e.g. I am a smoker, I am overweight, I can’t control my eating (but remember to please do this with AWARENESS and peace, not judgement- judgment will force you to become defensive or shy away from admitting these things to yourself.)
Sit with these words, concepts, or feelings for a while today.
Feel the sensations of anger or discomfort. When you feel the urge to “turn away” – whether that is in your head or actually with your head- don’t. Be conscious of the tightness in your body. Your throat, your back, and your shoulders may get tight and tingly. The point here is to allow the feelings to come over you, become aware of them, and let them be.
The Payoff: Freedom
You will feel a sense of lightness from becoming aware of the subtle negative energy that has been captured in the things you reject. Pushing them away and denying their existence hinders your growth process. When you bring them to light, you are bringing them to you, accepting them as part of what made you who you are.
More importantly, you are opening up to your excuses. When you are aware of what’s holding you back instead of turning away from it, you are able to make the changes that will lead to the person you know you could be.
Headstrong Health: The Psychology of Getting Fit 