Headstrong Health: The Psychology of Getting Fit

No, I’m not married. But I listen to a whole lot of Dr. Jenn Berman on Cosmo Radio, so in my head I am pretty much a licensed psychotherapist. Counts, right?

I see posts with the theme “Before saying ‘I do'” a lot in financial and child-rearing realms, but what about with our health? With the growing health problems, processed food intake, and sedentary lifestyles, our pre-marital discussions may need to branch into exercise and nutrition visions for our relationships. 

American media tends to show us as packing on the pounds after marriage, but we can change that status quo. It’s not just a sitcom stereotype, it’s a dangerous cycle to begin after tying the knot. Popping the question shouldn’t mean popping cookies into your mouth. Once you’ve caught the big fish, it doesn’t mean you need to stuff yourself- and the fish. “Fat and happy” needs to be replaced with “fit and happy.”And once I’ve written one too many cliche’s, I should probably not write another.

As spring crawls slowly in among this 30-something degree weather, wedding bells will chime, chilly, but as planned. Before making the commitment, it may serve you well to discuss plainly how you will handle your future health as husband and wife:

1. When can we start?  In “for better or for worse,” a healthy lifestyle maximizes the better. Discussing food and activity with your partner affects the amount of years you spend together and the quality of those years. The earlier you start, the earlier you will turn your lifestyle choices into habits that keep you together longer. If you are planners, plan to have a conversation and enhance your life together as soon as you can.

2. Where do we see ourselves?  You may have an ideal image of yourself, but what about as a couple?   Make visions for yourself as a couple to maintain a healthy weight and muscle mass. Visualize yourself in 5, 10, 25 years, making healthy snacks for yourself and your children, packing nutrient-filled lunches, bike riding as a family, and playing with your grandchildren with great health.

3. What do we like? Define your preferences : He may be into football, while you are a yogi. You’re a vegan, she’s a steak lover. With a plethora of healthy activities, you and your partner can find common ground. Try brainstorming activities you both find fun: cook together,  go jogging or walking, or invite new activities like hiking or skiing.  If you prefer to be healthy separately- so be it. Get creative, make it fun. Some couples work better with a little competitive tension. If you are competitive, race eachother. Make bets. Start a competition: set aside two jars. Put money in your jar for every workout you do, and money in your partner’s jar for every time you slip up with junk food. (There are other ways to spice up  bets and competitions, but we’ll keep it P.G. here).

4. Set goals: How can we make it attainable and sustainable? Choose goals that are just out of reach enough that they offer a challenge, but not so far that they are unrealistic. If you know you don’t go to the gym even when you pay $50/month, then pick at-home exercises to do every day (see last week’s article for ideas). Make them specific and sustainable by choosing specific exercises and amounts: we will walk 2 times a week; do 15 pushups together 4 mornings a week, go for a bike ride 3 weekends a month. If you start with a small challenge and stick with it, you can adhere to the program and build on it.

5. How can we support each other? Talk about how you will hold eachother accountable. Make a promise to each other to take joint responsibility. If your partner joins a recreational league, go to the games. If one of you is struggling with overeating or snacking mindlessly, ask for gentle reminders or that your partner try to distract you through talking or entertainment.  Share articles with eachother, pick healthy recipes. At the very least, make sure you are not sabotaging your partners efforts, i.e. through negative comments or keeping snacks in the house. Understand that your partners success is your success.

6. Tie it to your budget.  Every cautionary advice article will tell you that money is the #1 cause of marital stress in most surveyed married couples. Realizing that your choices have a direct impact on your health will free up a large portion of your budget. Go over your prescription costs (real, or base them on your parents’). Chances are, some family issues are preventable. Unhealthy lifestyles lead to sickness. Sickness leads to doctor bills, prescription costs, hospital bills, and even larger grocery bills (in the case of overeating). Clean eating reduces disease, and exercise and flexibility training strengthen bones, reducing osteopenia. Eating out is also a huge source of calories and a big chunk out of your wallet. Check your budget for ways you can save money AND get healthier, like cutting out sodas, packing lunches for work, and choosing vegetable based meals. Eating nutritious foods is not more expensive. (Visit any Trader Joe’s and you’ll agree).

6. Commit! Just as you have chosen to commit to each other, decide to commit to a long, healthy, and happy life. Stick to your habits as a couple, and they will become easier for you as you create new activities and family traditions geared toward clean eating and fitness.

Congratulations, and here’s a virtual toast to your long and healthy marriage!